Lately I’ve been pretty frustrated with the 1% of people in my world, you’ll know them, they’re the loudest people in the room, the ones who need to be the centre of attention, who want to be in control of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, who think they have power when really they have none, they lean towards bullying tactics and treat others poorly to get their way. If these people were an avocado they would be the ones that have the big stone in the middle and very little fruit, who go brown and tasteless in tact.
I’m told death brings out the worst in people, I would never have believed it if I hadn’t of been a witness to some of the bat-shit-pre-digested-avocado-insane-behavior that I have seen over the last eight months. I am going to point out that death also brings out the best, for the 1% of people who have tried to constantly pull me into their chaos, mean me harm or try to hurt me I am surrounded by at least 10 to 1 ratio of support and love and friendship from people who know what the truth is, who witnessed it with their own eyes, who would stand in line to defend me, hold me &/or comfort me.
What the 1% fail to realise is that no matter how hard they try to make me fall further, they will never be able to hurt me more than the physical loss of the man I loved. There is actually this lesson he taught me that has been helping me through a lot of the bullshit. Sometimes I almost feel like he talks to me when these memories pop in, like he’s gently reminding me of conversations we’ve had to help me.
Very early on when I used to work for a large Telco company in Australia I would come home quite demoralized. I would get screamed at by a few customers, it was never anything I had actually done to cause this, and they were just upset because of this, that or the other thing. I would take on people’s attacks like it was personal, it would constantly leave me in a state of despair. My partner would have the following conversation with me:
H: What’s wrong?
Me: Had a really bad day at work, I had this customer who yelled at me.
H: Who are they to you?
Me: No one really.
H: Do you think when they go home tonight, they’re going to care about who you are?
Me: Probably not.
H: Are you planning on having them over for dinner?
Me: No, never.
H: So why do they matter?
Me: I guess they don’t.
H: So why are you upset?
Me: I suppose I shouldn’t be.
He had this really annoying logic, you could never have a whinge to this man, it was impossible and a little bit brilliant. He was so clever with words and English was his second language, he would always get away with insulting people without actually saying anything wrong. I miss his brilliance, I miss it a lot.